Fallen Heroes

I've wanted to do some sort of service/charity work around the holiday time to involve my kids for a couple of years now. They are certainly old enough to grasp the concept of service. As they are getting older and realizing that there are a lot of things they want and will be getting for Christmas, i want to start the tradition of focusing on others this time of year . I can hear myself saying, "It's not always about you, fill-in-name-of-child" when the wants or complaints about something not going a certain way inevitably occur throughout the year. We've taken names from the giving tree at church over the years, but i wanted to do something bigger this year in addition.

We considered sending needed items to troops overseas (completely mindboggling--so many websites with so many names and battalions. How do you choose?!). We considered finding a local family to "adopt." But where i realized my heart and desire to serve was to a soldier's family. The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have been weighing on my mind a lot lately. We've been at war in Iraq and Afghanistan for almost 8 years. We're repeatedly sending the same soldiers back to these areas for more and more tours. And it's bothering me. Thinking about these soldiers and their families is overwhelming to me. I've also been thinking a lot about this quote from Gen. Schwarzkopf. For years, this has been my view on war:

A professional soldier understands that war means killing people, war means maiming people, war means families left without fathers and mothers. All you have to do is hold your first dying soldier in your arms, and have that terrible futile feeling that his life is flowing out and you can't do anything about it. Then you understand the horror of war. Any soldier worth his salt should be antiwar. And still there are things worth fighting for.

I believe there are things worth fighting for, but right now? I believe it's time to bring our troops home and fight for their well-being. How do I help this awful situation? I think about what i could do to help with their physical health, their mental health, emotional health. I want to reform the Veterans Administration healthcare for women. I want tell Washington to just.stop.now. But. Since there's not a whole lot that I can accomplish in those areas, I tried to find what I could do on a smaller scale.

I found a contact at Fort Carson, the Army post close to us, who is in charge of donations. I told him what i wanted to do--that i didn't want to write a check but i wanted to somehow give to a soldier's family this year in a way that could involve my kids. As important as monetary donations are, my kids won't grasp it if we just write a check. He put me in contact with the coordinator for Survivors Outreach Services at the Fallen Heroes Family Center. This organization helps with everything from financial planning and services to support groups for spouses, parents and children.

I spoke with the coordinator and it was more or less put in my court to do whatever i wanted. I would have liked more specific requests or know what real needs we could fill. But the conversation was basically, we are a little low on gifts this year for our children's party and whatever you can do would be greatly appreciated. Initially, i committed to bringing two children's gifts and one for a mother whose son was killed in Iraq. Then i realized the entire group of children amounted to just 6 kids. I called Doug and we decided we wanted to try to do something for each child and the mom mentioned.

We sold a couple of the kids' big toys last month specifically to put toward someone else's Christmas (Zhu Zhu pet stuff and Hot Wheels stunt tracks). We wanted the boys to feel a little more ownership for this project and we hoped they would feel that knowing the money spent came from their toys. When we decided to take on all seven, the money we used included cash i'd just gotten from selling two of my joggers. So it felt good to get rid of things that were cluttering our playroom and garage and put it to use this way.

I had a list of ages and genders and nothing else. It was really, really fun to shop for these kids. I would have liked a little more information or direction, but in general, i'm so pleased with what we were able to pull together for them. At one point, i asked my sister and a friend if it was a problem that i'm more excited about the gifts for the Ft. Carson kids than for my own? I tried to get a few things for each child. There were two boys ages 4 and 6 that I took Bode and Keegen to Toys r Us to shop for. They chose a Bionicle and Star Wars Lego set for the 6 year old and an Imaginext Batcopter and a Joker Submarine for the 4 year old (the boys actually chose these things for the opposite kids. I just switched it to make it more age appropriate). Then one also got a coloring book and markers, a slinky and a Hot Wheels car. The other got a huge dinosaur book with a kazillion stickers, a car and a slinky (gotta have stocking stuffers). The 10- and 11-year old girls got Webkinz and i made each a drawstring bag and stuffed it with lip gloss, nail polish, stretchy gloves, little notepads and a necklace (i really wish i'd taken pictures of the actual packages because i loved how they looked all stacked and wrapped). The 13-year old boy got a Paper Jamz guitar, a fleece hat and scarf and a gift card to Walmart. And the 16-year old got an MP3 player and a gift card for downloads. I went shopping last night with Kristen and she was kind enough to jump on-board and shop for the older boys. The mom got a set of three skillets (i was told "she loves to cook") and i attached a spoon and spatula to the front with the ribbon.

We delivered the gifts tonight and saw the preparations for the kids' party that would happen later in the evening. We were given a tour of the building by a woman whose husband was killed four years ago. There's this wall of framed photos of the soldiers killed--the vast majority husbands and fathers--and we stood in front of it for a moment while she talked. She was telling me what goes on there and what services they offer and she pointed out her husband's photo and the tears welled up in my eyes. Gorgeous, gorgeous man. I cannot imagine the grief and pain. I'm so happy there is an organization in place for people to meet and share and realize they are not alone and support one another and figure out how to push through and soldier on.

Anyway, this post is more for me to remember the joy i felt in thinking about others this season. I've been a little low, shall we say, lately and i'm not exactly sure why. Doug's job? The fact we're spending Christmas in Idaho instead of at home? The fact that we've been sick non-stop for the past 7 weeks? Just the general day to day grind? Thinking about these children and families has been a great way to get out of my own head and my own lesser problems. Talking to my children about helping these kids and having very frank conversations about war and sacrifice and loss and service was surprisingly positive and interesting. It's hard for a 6-year old to shop for another 6-year old and really want what he chose for him. Bode even said to me, "Ya Mom. Toys r Us was a real TRIAL for me. I mean, i reeeeally want that submarine." And i hope that it's true what i told him, that the boy receiving that gift will love it and that Bode can feel good about that. I hope that the seeds of service can grow in my boy.

And i think this is my place to serve. I think i'll be keeping in touch with them and figuring out other ways to be a part of helping families of fallen soldiers throughout the year.